Please forgive my inability to leave out detail and write a short post. I'm just not that kind of girl. :)
Where He Goes, I'll Go
God’s plan is rarely logical. And it
certainly never seems to work out the way I expect; however, it is always good!
Let me give you an example…
Two weeks ago, my boss lady (Cailey Dumler)
sent me an application for a job. A week ago I hesitantly filled out that
application and send it in, all the while thinking, “Ha. Yeah, right. I’m not
moving to Macon.” I thought, “I’ll never
get this job, but applying and interviewing will be good experience.” Little
did I know that only six days after applying, I’d accept the position and start
getting ready to uproot my life by moving, again.
To help whoever is reading this blog
understand how incredible this whole process has been, I think I need to go
back to a year and a half ago. I was planning on going to seminary for
apologetics. I wanted to go, and didn’t feel any opposition, so I got ready and waited for the pieces to fall into place. “God will work it out,” I
said, but all the while my head was racing with the logistics of moving to
Charlotte, NC. Where will I work? How will I make ends meet? How many classes
should I take? Should I work full or part time?
Fast forward to the summer when I spent two
months looking for a job, and not ever got so much as a nibble. I was confused,
devastated, and terrified of the future. Eventually, I decided to go back to
Columbus. I got into CSU’s M.A.T. program and the pieces started to fall into
place. Within a few weeks I got a job, an apartment, and a Graduate
Assistantship, but I was not happy!
“Is there something wrong with me?” I asked
God. I felt like I’d been rejected. I wanted to follow God. I wanted to learn
about Him and do good work for the Kingdom. I wanted to be used, yet God didn’t
seem to want me. He’d made it clear to me that I was supposed to be in Columbus,
but I couldn’t see what his plan could be. “What could I possibly learn from
being back in a place I hate getting a degree that I have absolutely NO desire
to pursue?” I asked. And for a while, I pouted and cried and spent some time
being angry at God. My heart screamed, “MY way!” And the painful process of
refinement began.
Over the next few months, God began breaking
me. As I wallowed in self-pity over my circumstances, He broke me financially,
He broke down my relational idols, and He began the painful process of breaking
down my pride. But God takes away AND gives. So, at the same time, He began
renovating my heart and strengthening the foundation of my faith. In the midst
of my struggle, I had to learn to surrender in a way that I didn’t know was
possible, and in the process I began to know and love God in a way that I
hadn’t known or loved Him before.
In November and December the Christ
Community Young Adults started getting some momentum, and I began to enjoy the
fruits of Christian community. January, in particular, was a super sweet time
with God. I was on a month-long high because of the things He was showing me.
Then in February I was offered an Internship at Christ Community, and March had
me learning to coordinate the 9:00am service. April taught me to juggle school,
a Graduate Assistantship, and Internship, and finals. May sent me to California
for the FAM Conference. I also helped plan VBS and I learned some incredible
things about what Psalm 37:4 means. I
think it is safe to say that I’ve had a full and productive year. I even got to
do some extra things like learn about prayer in life school, attend the Exodus
conference, experience 4 different Bible studies, and learn about hiding in
God, and structuring my devotional time from some incredible ladies at my
church.
It is kind of amazing how much I’ve learned
this year, and looking back I can’t help but think about something that happened
at a healing prayer service in October. When I told a few ladies how upset I
was about being in Columbus, one prayed over me and said that she saw this time
in my life as God pushing me around in a baby carriage. She felt certain that I
was going to spend the next few months growing and maturing in my walk with
Christ. This was a time for planting roots. Another lady said she saw a vision
of flowers growing in a field. I was going to grow and blossom in the coming
months. Thankfully, they were both
right.
I have a feeling that the past year will be
one of “the good ones” that I remember for the rest of my life. I’ve made so
much progress—climbed so many mountains this year. And I know I’m never going
to be the same.
So, back to last week. I applied for a job
on Friday, emailed back and forth with the pastor of Trinity Life Church on
Saturday, visited the church on Sunday, and was offered the position on
Wednesday. For someone who has spent entire years worrying about her future and
trying to control the outcome, this process was so wonderfully different.
I must admit that Saturday I spent some time
crying with one of my friends, because I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE COLUMBUS!
Ironically, less than a year ago I was crying about having to go back to
Columbus, but on Saturday I couldn’t imagine leaving. Columbus became home this
year. Not because of school, but because of my friends and church family. I
LOVE CHRIST COMMUNITY CHURCH. I love my internship. I love my community there. I
love Cailey. I love Pastor Keith. I love each and every person that has slowly
but surely become a part of my family over the past few years, and leaving that
seemed impossible. How could I leave something that is so right? The answer is
that I’m leaving for something that is even MORE right.
Sunday morning on my way to Macon I cried,
and prayed, and worshiped God while driving. I wanted to be open to God’s will,
and I asked for clear direction and peace about whatever His path is for me.
And let me tell you that 5 minutes after I walked into Trinity Life Church I
felt like I’d found a new home. The Holy Spirit’s presence took ahold of me and
I felt complete peace about being in Macon. I was able to joyfully worship and
listen to Kenny’s words without being anxious or self-conscious. I fell in love
with some of the sweet children with whom I will be working, and I even started
envisioning ways to contribute to the church and community, should I be offered
the position.
It just felt right.
Everything Kenny told me after the service
made me more excited, and as I waited to hear something else from TLC, I began
to realize how calm I was. I was amazed to discover how much I truly desired to
move and dig into the work at TLC. By Wednesday I was checking my email every
few hours looking for some word about the next step.
Thankfully, Wednesday night I got a call
offering me the job. This was sooner than expected, but I think God made the
decision clear to all parties involved. This is what I’m meant to do. Christ is
leading, and I intend to follow Him wherever He goes. I don’t know how long
I’ll be in Macon, but I do know that my immediate future is there, and I’m
chomping at the bit to get my things moved and get my hands dirty!
First of all, since visiting Macon, I don’t
think I’ve been anxious about this decision for more than 15 seconds. THIS IS A
MIRACLE. Let me explain how hard the next few months will be, so that you
understand the truth of this miraculous peace.
My job will be part time, but it
will be HARD. I will begin to structure the children’s ministry at a little,
baby, Free Methodist church plant. Let’s pause and acknowledge that planning a
church is HARD… and now let’s continue. I will be in charge of caring for the
infants through 5th graders, and there is not much to work with
right now. We are in a space that is not our own, and we are too small to have
much of a volunteer pool, but I’m sure this will be the relatively easy part of
my job. I will also be in charge of childcare for things such as community
groups and prayer meetings. Thankfully, Cailey has offered to help me in any
way possible, and I will probably be able to come into Columbus once a week for
a class at CSU and some much needed mentoring from Cailey.
Secondly, part of my job is to act as a
Chaplain and events coordinator at an apartment complex. The reason I love
Trinity Life Church (already!) is because of the church’s vision. We desire to
be out in the community as a presence for Christ. The largest portion of my job
will be to get to know the residents in an apartment complex with about 200
units. I will live in my mission field. I will get to know the people around me
and simply be their friend. The goal isn’t to get them to say some words, make
a commitment to Christ, get them in a pew and then move on to someone else. The
goal is to sacrificially love the people around me, to do life with them, to
show them Christ through continuing interaction, love, and concern for who they
are and where they are in life, and when opportunities present themselves I
will gladly share Christ with them. My actions will be on display always. My
words will mean less than how I interact with the people around me. And I know
that I’ve got a lot to learn about being intentional and missional in
everything that I do.
I will also have to be moved to Macon by
August 1st. Oh, and in the time leading up to that I will be working
30-40 hours a week as a nanny to 3 kids, continuing my internship (and probably
working extra hours with Cailey so we can plan for my first few months at TLC),
trying to meet with and say goodbye to all of my friends, packing, moving, AND
spending some time in Macon during the month of July. YET, I am not anxious. On
the contrary, I am THRILLED because I know that all of this work is good work.
It is worth the hours and effort and exhaustion that I know is to come. Plus, I
feel certain that God has ordained this step in my life, and He will go before
me in everything that I do as long as I continue to trust Him and let Him lead.
“How do I know this?” you may be wondering.
I’d love to tell you all about it, and since this is MY blog, I’m going to do just
that.
So, here is the cool part. These are the
things God did to prepare me for my new job—a little look into the specifics of
how God has been guiding me towards this over the past few years.
There have been so many different
confirmations. This peace is one of them. Perhaps the most exciting bit of
confirmation came during the FAM Conference in May. I went to one of the Urban
Ministry breakout sessions with Meghan, and left with a heavy heart, burdened
with a desire to reach out into the community and not just remain inside the
church walls. After leaving the session I tried to express to Meghan the
desires of my heart in this area. They have always been strong, but I didn’t
know how to get into a ministry that allowed me to care for precious, broken
people in a way that utilized my experience and talents. I was struggling with
Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself with the Lord and He will give you the desires of
your heart.” I wondered why I would have such a heart for evangelism and
reaching out to hurting, marginalized, and broken people if I was headed
towards children’s ministry (where I very much seemed to be heading) and the
answer came a few days later.
I felt that Kingdom Kids (where I am
interning) was supposed to adopt an apartment complex in a poverty stricken,
urban area. Kingdom Kids has been growing, and we are having trouble keeping
up, but a couple of weeks after the conference I told Cailey, “I know you
probably don’t want to hear this, but I think we are supposed to adopt an
apartment complex. We need to both go
where they are, and find a way to bring them to us on Sunday mornings. “ While
I still hope this will happen in Columbus, I now see that the vision God gave
me of adopting an apartment complex was preparation for this job. Now I will be
using my years of RA experience, and my passions, to reach out into the
community around me. It just all makes sense!
I also feel that God has given me a specific
passage of scripture that confirms my need to be at TLC. In the spring of 2011,
God gave me these verses as part of my personal calling:
5 For you are not sent to a people of
foreign speech and a hard language, but to the house of Israel— 6 not
to many peoples of foreign speech and a hard language, whose words you cannot
understand. Surely, if I sent you to such, they would listen to you. 7
But the house of Israel will not be willing to listen to you, for they are not
willing to listen to me: because all the house of Israel have a hard forehead
and a stubborn heart. 8 Behold, I have made your face as hard as
their faces, and your forehead as hard as their foreheads. 9 Like
emery harder than flint have I made your forehead. Fear them not, nor be
dismayed at their looks, for they are a rebellious house.” 10 Moreover,
he said to me, “Son of man, all my words that I shall speak to you receive in
your heart, and hear with your ears. 11 And go to the exiles, to
your people, and speak to them and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God,’
whether they hear or refuse to hear.”
~Ezekiel 3:5-11
(ESV)
I’m
sure that my family would agree about my hard forehead. But the most important
parts of this to me are the following: I am not meant to be in foreign missions
(at least for now) and I will not experience easy ministry. I will be rejected
and my message will not be heard. That does not mean that I am not supposed to
speak. On the contrary, I have a duty to fulfill. God has a purpose for me.
About two months ago, I was praying
about my specific calling. I knew God had a purpose for me, but I wasn’t sure if
God would allow me to be in vocational ministry. I’d tried to head that route
in August and I was sent back to Columbus, so after Nick and Dianna Cash told
their story about joining Mercy ships, I spent the day fasting, meditating on a
specific psalm, and praying for direction. “God, do you want me in vocational
ministry?” I asked. God held off for a while. I prayed all afternoon and then
asked if I should cancel the evening’s events and continue with my vigil. That
answer was clear. I needed to go to a missionary’s presentation at the
Stewart’s house that night, so I went. Towards the end of the presentation, I
heard something that clicked with the Psalm I’d been reading and I knew what
God wanted to tell me. God had a vocational ministry for me, but I needed to be
prepared, because this ministry would be war.
While visiting TLC and after getting
back, people told me how hard this job will be. “Church planting is hard. There
will be days that you want to quit. You may not really accomplish much for a long
time. People will reject you…” etc. But this doesn’t scare me. God has already
prepared me for this. He told me a year ago that no one will listen to me. He made
my forehead strong. Really strong. And I have already been preparing for war. I’m
sure the REALITIES of this war will make me think twice about my calling before
it is all said and done, but I’m not afraid. His “perfect love [is casting] out
all the fear,” and I am ready to “count is all as joy.”
And if these HUGE confirmations aren’t
enough (which they have been for me) there have been other things. God has
already given me work experience in everything that I will be doing. I’ve
coordinated and planned and discussed growth structure and worked in two
different Sunday lesson formats and done a million other little things during
my time as an intern with Cailey. I’ve worked in 3 different RA positions that
allowed me to work with residents, get to know the community, and plan events.
I even did event planning and promotions for my high school movie theatre job.
I’ve volunteered in an addiction recovery/homeless shelter. I’ve struggled
through depression and foreclosure on my childhood home. Even the fact that my
lease is up on July 31st shows that God has been planning this,
Jeremiah 29:11 style.
So I’m going, and I’m totally stoked!
The only thing I’m really sad about is leaving friends. Chances are, if you are
reading this you are one of the people that I will miss. If you live in
Columbus, please know that I am so thankful for your friendship and community
over the past few years. Hopefully I’ll be visiting often! If you are another
friend from another location, I hope that you will continue to keep in touch
and wish me well from afar! If you are a new friend in the Macon area, get
ready! I’ll be there sooner than you know it!
Rejoice
in the Lord ALWAYS and again I say Rejoice!
Love and Blessings,
Christy
P.S. This is my new theme song:
All Your ways are good
All Your ways are sure
I will trust in You alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in You alone
Where You go, I'll go
Where You stay, I'll stay
When You move, I'll move
I will follow You
Who You love, I'll love
How You serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow You
I will follow You
makes my heart happy to see your heart connected to Jesus :-)
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