ONEderland

Well, I did it (in spite of every sub-conscious, and conscious, effort to sabotage myself) I reached ONEderland today. I now weigh 199.6lbs.

There is a part of me that is embarrassed to admit that I’m a girl who weights 199.6lbs. I’m even more embarrassed to admit that I ever weighted 259lbs. BUUUT, I do, and I did. So I guess that means I’ve officially lost 60lbs. since fall 2011.

I’m still struggling to get back to the gym.

There is still a part of me that is emotionally terrified of losing more weight… a part of me that can’t seem to get over the 55-60 lb hurdle (that’s where I stopped losing weight last time). But, I am not quitting. If I were a car, it would be fair to say that I’ve stalled out on the highway. BUT, I’m not calling someone for a tow. I’m just going to rest a bit until I can get back on the road.

HOPEFULLY, that will happen next week.

Ehh…. Someone I know, who is really smart, keeps telling me something about starting NOW, instead of waiting until tomorrow. I know I need to listen to that advice, but I’m not quite sure how to conjure motivation out of thin air.

So, tonight I think I will list some of my non-scale victories to get me motivated and back in the game. Positive thinking never hurt anyone, so maybe reminding myself of the changes that have taken place in me over the past year will make me realize that I really want to keep going. Let’s give this a shot!

           

*Disclaimer: many of these things may seem ridiculous, but there were times when I couldn’t do them, so I choose to celebrate my progress instead of being embarrassed about where I once was. Please choose to celebrate with me. I’m feeling a little self-conscious about some of these things… like number one.*

Let’s start with weight and body things:

·      I can cross my legs. (Once upon a time, this was nearly impossible. Now it is easy. Let the celebration commence!)

·      Hey, there is a “1” in front of my weight again. Let’s keep it that way.

·      I am pulling clothes from 2008 back into my wardrobe. Prior to 2008, these articles of clothing miiight have fit me during middle school… maybe.

·      I can elliptical for at least 75 minutes without dying.

·      I can run on the treadmill for at least 15 minutes without dying. (I’ve never really run anything or to anywhere in my life, so this is a big deal).

·      I have been consistently losing weight for a little over a year. The “slow and steady wins the race” thing is not my strong suit, so I think this is a pretty big deal.

·      My face is getting back to an oval shape. Much preferable to the pudgy circle it was a year ago.

·      Boots will encompass my calves now.

·      I can shop at Old Navy again, and Lane Bryant clothes are too big!

·      I got rid of all of THE ZIPPER SHIRTS!

·      I’m shopping in my jeans drawer all the time now.  

·      Shopping in my own closet is just always a happy thing, and I’ve done it a lot recently.

·      THE dress almost fits! (Girls know what this means, but I’ll enlighten the guys who dare to venture into my blogging world. Girls almost always have ONE dress that they looooove… and gauge their weight by. It’s the dress that they wore when they felt the most pretty and thin. It may or may not be a special occasion dress. The important thing is that it is the dress that makes them feel gorgeous, and MY dress almost fits again. I’m not sure that I even really like it anymore…. But. It. Almost. Fits. And that is enough for me.)

Emotional things:

·      I feel more comfortable in my own skin.

·      I don’t hate EVERY picture of myself that has been taken in the past three months.

·      I feel more confident of my physical abilities. I even want to start running short distance races… just a 5k, but that is a huge deal for me.

·      I no longer assume that people are looking at me and thinking about my weight. (Of course, I realize that 99% of the time people are thinking about nothing other than THEMSELVES, but the irrational, self-conscious Christy of yester-year often assumed that people were looking at and judging/pitying her. No more!)

·      I don’t find it COMPLETELY unbelievable that someone might find me attractive. Truth: this is still a hard feeling to fight, but my self-image is better, so feeling/being beautiful is more believable than in years past.

So, I never finished this blog last week, but here is the unedited, first and only draft of the ONEderland blog post. Today’s post coming soon.