Holiday Life Update

Last week’s super late post… ;)

I didn’t write last week, because I didn’t really want to sit down and process all of the things that are going on in my life.

But as I sit here sipping my coffee and looking at the sunrise outside my window, I realize I have to process, and allow Jesus (and all of you) to come alongside me in this (yet again) new and different phase of my life.

The clouds outside my window are bright pink and purple, cotton candy clouds. (Oh! Now, some are orange!) And the sky is a bright baby blue behind all the fluff.

I tried to take a picture of the brilliance of the sky, but my phone just can’t capture it all.  And even though the sky is beautiful, I often get morose when looking up at the vast expanse of heavens. They are too big. Too terrible even in all their beauty.

Right now, that is how I feel about life.

It is too much. Too awful, and too wonderful all at the same time. Words can’t capture it. And even in its brilliance, I find myself being worried and fearful at times.

The basics:

There is no great way to say this via blog, but since I have no way to talk to many of you face to face, you must know that I have decided to move on from my church job.  There is no relational strife between the church and myself. I have simply realized, though a series of events, that I am being called to something else for the immediate future.  I don’t know where I will work come January, but I feel called to Macon still, and I believe I will be here until at least May.

Even though I feel released from my job, and I am not leaving on poor terms, my whole world has turned upside down again.

Saying goodbyes to the kids at TLC has been one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever had to do. Last Sunday they had me crying for half of our time together. I love them. And the combination of loving them and not knowing the future has me in that uncomfortable spot where all I know is that I have to trust the Lord, and follow Him wherever He leads, even if it hurts!

The beauty of it all:

Jesus loves those kids far more than I do, and He will take care of them. Last Sunday we had a really sweet conversation about me leaving, and I got to tell them about Jesus and how much He loves them and how He will take care of them, so they don’t need me. It was hard, but good, and I know that the kids were really listening. That conversation is something to be thankful for.

Also, the Lord has very much gone before me in the recent developments of life.

And this song keeps running through my head…

I am the Lord your God,

I go before you now.

I stand beside you

I’m all around you

And though you feel I’m far away

I’m closer than your breath

I am with you

More than you know

I am the Lord your peace

No evil will conquer you

Steady now your heart and mind

Come into my rest

And oh, let your faith arise

And lift up your weary head

I am with you

Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need

Come to me, I’m everything

Come to me, I’m all you need

Come to me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves

And I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid

Though your heart and flesh may fail you

I’m your faithful strength

And I am with you

Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need

Come to me, I’m your everything

Come to me, I’m all you need

Come to me, I’m your everything

Don’t look to the right or to the left, keep your eyes on me

You will not be shaken, you will not be moved

Ohhhh

I am the hand to hold, I am the truth, I am the way

Heyyyy

Just come to me, come to me

Cause I’m all that you need

The Lord is providing for me (Awesome roommate, friends, Campus Clubs job, Grad and Career group, workout buddy, etc.). The transition out of my current job has been fairly seamless, because two months ago I transitioned out of the apartment position. I also have lots of people around me loving me through the tough moments of uncertainty. AND, I feel a certain amount of clarity about what I’m to be doing in Macon while I am here. The church job got me here, but my part in TLC’s story is through, and now the Lord has other things for me. So I’m going to keep following Him, even though I’m not entirely sure what that looks like.

Workout Buddy! (Well, one of them!)

Friends!

Roommate reading me the Christmas Story from the Jesus Storybook Bible!!!!!!

Campus Clubs boss (and my FRIEND!)

Where this ties into weight-loss:

Without a doubt, I feel that one of the biggest reasons I’m in Macon is to tackle my weight issues and heal from all of the years of emotional and spiritual bondage due to my food addiction/idol.

IF THIS IS ALL I DO IN MACON, MY TIME HERE WILL HAVE BEEN WELL SPEND.

I can’t stress how much MORE this process is 

than just losing weight. I’ve been healing, in ways that I 

didn’t even know I was broken.

For those of you who have asked, here is a recent pic.
BUT, this process if about so much more than what I look like on the outside!!!
Jesus is changing my heart as I work to change my body through discipline and obedience. 

So, I’m going to stay here and keep letting the Lord work on me in this area of my life.

I haven’t been doing GREAT with my eating and working out, if we are telling the truth. But given the fact that it is holiday season, I am certainly not doing terribly.

Please pray that I will value being with people more than I value partaking in the food of the season. It is ok to go to a party and not eat. I’m not depriving myself, I’m keeping my eye on the goal at hand and dying to self WHILE I’m enjoying friends. At least that is what I should be doing more. Just pray for diligence and discipline that comes from a healthy place and not a place of legalism.

On another note…

Happy Christmas Eve, y’all! Thanks for always supporting me! I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow full of family and friends and peace and joy that comes only from knowing what Christ did for you on the cross!

Blessings and Love,

Christy

We are the Easter People, whose refrain is “He is risen! He is risen! He is risen!”

I lost 3.6lbs this week. That makes my total 52.6lbs since last year. I joined WeightWatchers at the end of May, and I’ve lost 25lbs since then.

What this means, is that I got an award yesterday. I got a little silver weight with “25” engraved into it. The weight goes on the keychain that I got for losing 10% of my initial starting weight. And my new charm sits next to the other charm I got for going to WeightWatchers for 16 weeks. I’m doing well. I’m earning rewards. I’m achieving.

Yet I can’t seem to be excited.

I’m only part-way to my goal. I have at least another 50lbs to lose before I will be at a healthy weight. And my tendency is to discredit the work that I have done. I don’t want the 25lb marker, I want the 75lbs one. Better yet, lets make it say “100!!!!!”

Looking at my heart in this, I realize how afraid I am of celebrating the work Christ has done in me. I expect nothing less than perfection out of myself, and it is easy to discredit the areas of growth in my life… because I see the imperfections. I see where I am still lacking. I see the extra pounds on my frame, and I see the extra sin in my life. And it becomes hard to accept grace and acknowledge growth when I still see so much need for change in my life and heart.

I can’t give myself, OR GOD, any credit.

YET, “I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6 ESV)

Where is the grace? Why can’t I look at the work God has begun in me, and celebrate how far I’ve come? No, I’m not perfect, but I never will be on this side of life, so why defeat myself trying for the impossible?

The roommate told me about an Easter sermon she heard one time. I’m probably butchering this somehow, but the message was something about how human existence marches to the refrain of death. Since the fall, things work toward death and destruction. People die, dreams die, hopes die… the refrain is death. I must admit that my heart resonates with this more often that I’d like. I feel the futility of human life, where the refrain seems to be so much death and destruction. 

Christ changes everything.

When Christ defeated death, when He rose again and conquered the grave so that you and I might have the incredible gift of eternal life with The Lord, the refrain changes.

As Christians, “We are the Easter People, whose refrain is ‘He is risen, He is risen, He is Risen!!!’”

So instead of looking at things through the lense of death, instead of seeing how far I have to go, instead of dwelling on my sins (which are real, and ugly, and soul crushing, without Jesus) I choose to focus on how Christ has been redeeming me. Praise Jesus, He HAS been changing me, and I must acknowledge that. I must CELEBRATE the work He has begun in me, and trust that (although I still have a ways to go) He will complete that work in me in His time, in His way.

I’m thankful that God is sovereign! And, He DOES work for my good.

So, here are some ways Jesus has been changing me.

I’m 50lbs lighter, than last year. HELLO, I need to be able to admit and celebrate that. It is a physical symbol of the internal health I’ve been seeking in Christ.

This time last year I was hibernating in my apartment, sad and depressed, angry at God for not letting me go to seminary. Now I’m learning to follow God WHEREVER He leads. That meant leaving Columbus and moving to Macon. And I don’t doubt that relinquishing my plan for my life by moving (against all logic) was a huge leap of faith. I’m glad I’m here, and I feel that I have confirmation that God is not done with me in Macon yet, so I’ll stay as long as He keeps me here. I surrender, and that is huge growth.

I used to be a complete introvert, and now I’m not even sure that I would even test as an introvert on a personality inventory. This is not to say that introverts are bad!!! I looove introverts! But, God has been making me more comfortable in social situations, which better allows me to serve Him by loving others.

If performing a sister version of "My Heart Will Go On" at
Thanksgiving lunch isn't at least a little extroverted... I'm not sure what is. 

I have grown in the spiritual disciplines. I used to not even desire to read the Word, but now I want to dig in. I am reading more and comprehending more and when things are hard, I know that quiet time with my Lord is the only thing that will really give me direction. I believe in prayer, and I have faith that it matters… that God hears. It was only a few years ago that I wasn’t certain if God cared about me. Even after I found logical belief in Christ, I didn’t have a heart belief or faith.  But now, I know what relationship with God is like. I see the Holy Spirit prompting me… I’m not perfect by ANY means, but I have grown, and I have to cling to that. Jesus and I DO have a relationship, and I desire to know and please Him.

So, I’m choosing to let go of my fear of man (including myself). I can’t look at what I think I should be as a Christian, and hold myself up to an unrealistic standard. Yes, I should strive to be like Christ in all ways, but I am NOT Christ, so today I just want to stop, and address the lies I believe about my growth in Christ.

I am not perfect. In fact, I am a sinner whose heart is black and cold, and I love death. I’m comfortable with sin and death. It is my default.

BUT GOD is working in my heart. He forgives me for my sins, and I must do the same for myself.

So, I want to be an Easter person.

My refrain is, "He is Risen, He is Risen, He is RISEN!"

More of Him, less of me. But even as I say these things, I have to acknowledge that there IS more of Him in me than there was last year. He IS working in my life. And today, these pictures are visual proof of how my Savior is working to redeem me. Praise him for every good and perfect thing. I’m thankful that He gives BEAUTY for my ASHES.  

All Things New

Verse 1

Like the sun your mercy shines

A brand new day a brighter light

Jesus your grace restores our lives

At the cross the great exchange

Your righteousness for all our shame

Jesus your grace restores our lives

Chorus 1

You can make all things new

Only your power can raise us

You can make all things new

Only your love can save us

All hope is not lost

Cause you make all things new

Verse 2

All our wounds and broken dreams

You laid them down at calvary

Savior your grace restores our lives

when we're weak you make us strong

You lift us up you lead us on

Savior your grace restores our lives

Bridge

You give beauty for our ashes

And a hope that's everlasting

The past has been redeemed

Now forever we will sing

(3x)

Chorus 2

You can make all things new

Only your power can raise us

You can make all things new

Only your love can save us

(REPEAT)

All hope is not lost

All hope is not lost

All hope is not lost

Cause you make all things new

Holding on to Hope

I missed a post last week due to being home. Had I written, the news would have been as follows:

"I lost 4.6lbs today! That’s 23lbs (10% of my starting WeightWatcher’s weight) since the date I joined back in the summer. That’s also a total of 50lbs since starting to gradually attack my weight issues last fall."

Last week I was ecstatic.

This week I’m a little less so, but I’m still relatively positive about sin-slaying.

I gained a pound this week, and I’m pretty sure it’s a P.M.S. pound, which sure didn’t help the current P.M.S. situation.

I knew I would gain before I even got up. I knew it before I got to the gym. And even though I wanted to be angry and upset and give up (because the tiniest set back can make me throw my hands up into the air and quit) I got on the treadmill, and ran a mile.

That statement is a baby miracle.

I actually ran a mile in 12 minutes. I literally have never done that in my life until last week. I remember being in kindergarten and hating the running days in P.E. I just knew that I couldn’t keep up with the pack. I knew there was no use in hoping. I just couldn’t do it (or so I thought). So having the discipline to make myself run, even on the days when I just want to get back in bed and sleep and ignore life, is just so knew, and exciting.

I was talking to a friend the other day about what has changed in my weightloss journey, and my answer was “freedom.” I’m not counting WeightWatchers points legalistically, I’m not working out legalistically. I’m not worrying about anything legalistically, and for this control freak, that is another miracle.

I feel free to talk about my journey with others, which has never been the case before. I can tell people my weight, and accept compliments, and even talk openly with a few guys about the spiritual and emotional burdens that weight and food have caused in my life. I just feel free.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with hope.

Today, it has been hard to hold on to hope. Yes, I’ve made progress, but the goals seem so far away. The weight goal is far away, and this week has been rough spiritually. My lack of trust in God has been hugely apparent this week, and as I struggle to believe that He has good things for me, I’ve also noticed just how black my heart is, and how easy it is to be selfish and prideful instead of chasing after God and laying my all down at His feet.

So, back to this morning. As I ran that mile, my eyes focused on the tv screen in front of me. The TV is an Insignia, and the “g” in the name is centered and circled. Each day as I run, I look at that “G” and know that, for me, it stands for “God.” I mentally, and physically, run after God in the gym. The G keeps me focused on my real purpose in slaying my idols, and the worship music that I listen to as I run keeps me mentally at the feet of Jesus.

This morning, as I struggled to hold on to hope, this song made my heart smile.

My future hangs on this

You make preciousness from dust

Please don't stop creating me

Your blood offers the chance

To rewind to innocence

Reborn, perfect as a child

CHORUS:

Oh Your cross, it changes everything

There my world begins again with You

Oh Your cross, it's where my hope restarts

A second chance is Heaven's heart

When sin and ugliness

Collide with redemption's kiss

Beauty awakens by romance

Always inside this mess

I have found forgiveness

Mercy as infinite as You

(Chorus)

BRIDGE:

Countless second chances

We've been given at the cross

Countless second chances

We've been given at the cross

...Jesus is so sweet.

As I struggled to hold onto hope, I had a visual reminder of God and His grace to look at. I also had a song for my heart to sing that reminded me of hope and second chances. Yes, I gained weight. Yes, I am sinful and my heart is adulterous. Yes, I look for hope in other places than Jesus. BUT, He wont “stop creating me.” All of the trials in my life are refining me and bringing me closer to Him. He doesn’t discipline me to be mean, He does it because He LOVES me and wants to make me look more like Him.

And He gives me COUNTLESS second chances.

Praise the Lord! He never gives up on me. He is where my hope should be. He forgives. He heals. He molds and shapes me… He makes beautiful things.

And I guess the weird part is that I’m starting to believe that I’M one of the beautiful things God has created. I’ve never felt beautiful, but as I learn to love and trust Him, I am also learning to believe truths like, I am “fearfully and wonderfully made.” The King is “enthralled with [my?!] beauty.” The Lord made me, and He is refining me, and maybe, just maybe, that means I have worth and value and beauty that comes from being with and of Christ. And if all these things are true, and God has good things for me, maybe I can really hope in Him.

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense, but the good news is that Jesus is changing me, and I can see that. EVEN ON THE HARD DAYS!

I still have a long way to go, but I am choosing to hold on to hope (in Christ and His plan for me.)

I guess I'm also learning to rest, safe and secure, in the arms of my Lord and Savior. 

Thank you, Lord, for being patient with me. Thank you for all of you many glorious blessings. I choose you. I've counted up the cost, and you are still worth it. 

~Christy

The One With the Prayer List!

It’s Blog Post Day!

Well, I’ll start with the good news.

This week I lost 4.8lbs. My clothes are all loose. I bought a new dress today and there was no “X” in front of the “L.” (p.s. the last time I bought a dress at this particular store there were TWO “X’s” in front of the “L”). I also feel better at the gym. I can keep up with Casey, for the most part, and I can feel muscles underneath their protective layer of blubber. Apparently, cardio will take care of this blubber issue. ;)

I’ve lost 10lbs since making the decision to slay this particular sin dragon.

That’s a total of 46lbs since last Fall. 18.3 since starting WeightWatchers four months ago. 

My morale has been pretty good this week. BUT, I forgot to eat a few meals because of being busy. I actually didn’t eat a full meal at all on my birthday because I was busy running errands for the party. Oops! Oh well... GRACE! GRACE! GRACE! J

Not eating isn’t an option, of course, but it happened and I’m not gonna dwell on it now. I have NOT been tracking my food, but I also haven’t been overeating. And I’m kinda ok with the not tracking thing. It keeps me from being too legalistic. I’m just trying to stay off of the legalism train.

Last but not least, I’ve finally put together the prayer list for people who volunteered to pray for me. If I accidentally left someone off of the list, please let me know. I would love for all of you to send me your email addresses and I’ll send you updates on your specific topics. As for praying for pounds, I’ve decided that I want to just share my next goal with you all and have you all pray for that goal.

As of today, I am at 213.8lbs. I want to be in ONEderland by January 1^st ( that means I want to weigh 199 or less… gotta get rid of that nasty 2 out front!) So, that’s 14.8lbs over 6 weeks. It comes out to 2.46666666666666666 (you get the picture?) pounds a week, so pray for that.

Aaaaaaand, here are your prayer assignments. I’ll try to email you all (once I get your email addresses) with more details.

Hollie W.~ Pray that I would learn to die to self in preparation for whatever God’s plans for my future hold.

Mom~ Pray for improved relationships with family.

Tiffany B.~ Pray for solid and consistent quiet times with the Lord.

India W.~ Pray for healthy community in Macon.

Keri R.~ Pray for increased ministry opportunities throughout this process.

Casey S.~ Pray for happy, safe, and energizing workouts.

Kimberly D.~ Pray for my desire for marriage, my singleness, and my future husband and family.

Stephanie Joy D.~ Pray that I will learn to value myself enough to dress to shoes every morning, etc. Pray for improved self-worth that comes from being centered in Christ.

Sally W.~ Pray for diligence and discipline, both at work and as I work to slay sin.

Sarah N.~ Pray for balance between a guarded heart and the ability to be open and vulnerable.

Matt Y.~ Pray for my sin struggles of pride and the need for control.

Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I love you all, and will update you soon!

Love,

Christy