So, I’ve been searching for
motivation in the weight-loss/gym regime for the better part of two months. I
started off strong, and then my routine broke, and I just couldn’t get back in
the game.
Well, I found some motivation this
week… it’s the GOSPEL. Imagine that! ;)
So, what had happened was this:
During my
devotions last/this week, the Lord convicted me about how self-centered I’ve
been. Of course, the message was gentle, and sweet, but convicting all the
same. Primarily, I feel a need to
refocus on Christ in two areas of life, my sin-slaying adventure, and how I
spend my time.
Basically, the point is that I
really did lose sight of how/why I do the things that I do. And the answer to
the “how/why” question is ALWAYS the Cross.
The Cross was a theme in my
daily devotional time this week, and in the Sunday service at Christ Community
Church. It came up in conversation numerous times with friends, and the more I
thought about what Jesus did for me on the Cross, my self-centered thoughts
about finding “fulfilling work” and my efforts to better myself for my own
body’s sake just didn’t matter anymore.
I found myself overwhelmed with what Jesus did for me. Subsequently, over the course of the week, it became easier to choose to love and serve
others instead of just loving and serving myself.
This weekend I took my
boyfriend to Columbus to meet some of the greatest people he might ever meet. ;) *yes, part of me is thinking about Mean Girls right now…*
 |
| My version of the Mean Girls pic. ;) |
I’m so blessed to be able to call these special people my friends! So Saturday night, after everyone was asleep, I found myself bawling. Just crying because I know how incredibly blessed I am, and how undeserving I am of these blessings and Jesus’ Grace.
Of course, I began journaling.
Just weeping and writing. It’s what I do. ;) And these were some of my thoughts
on the past few months, and life in general.
“I feel so
blessed. I wonder, “What have I done to deserve this.” And Your sweet voice
comes to me with, “My GRACE.” It’s all about that. Always. I’ve done nothing. I
deserve death, yet, you keep pouring out your abundant life onto me, like a
waterfall—Niagra Falls!
Forgive me
for forgetting the glory of the cross—for forgetting your sacrifice. Forgive me
for honoring myself, first and foremost.
(skipping ahead in my stream-of-consciousness
journaling….)
My actions show that I don’t believe I am fearfully and
wonderfully made. I
don’t
believe in the goodness of your creation. It’s more than understanding depravity. It is
reverse pride.
But Lord, I
want to be content with everything that you’ve given me. Even my body. I want
to believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made… just because you MADE me,
not because I look a certain way or act a certain way.
I just want
to rest in you by being me, and surrendering all that I am to you
for you to refine. Make me as gold
refined...
I lost sight of it all. I lost sight of the cross, I lost
sight of you and the truth.
Forgive me.
And keep
showing me your perfect love. I see it here… with all my friends. And I get
that you are pouring it out on me, but I still want to give back… to earn. And
I have nothing to give or do that can earn any of it. Show me how to be ok receiving and not having
anything of value to give back. Show me
my worth and value in you.
But most of all, right now, I just thank you for these
sweet, sweet gifts of
friends.
Thank you for the Jesus-with-skin-on love that’s rocking my world. And thank
you for the Cross.”
So, with the Cross back in focus
in my heart, it was easier to get up and go to the gym at 5:30 again this week.
It’s easier to choose to eat what is healthy, because “my only comfort in life
and in death [is ] that I am not my own, but belong—body and soul, in life and
in death—to my Savior Jesus Christ.”
Food isn’t my comfort. Jesus
is. I don’t deserve to just comfortably eat what I want (all the sweet things!!!) and sleep in and wait for the next phase
of life to catch up with me. Quite frankly, the only thing I deserve is death.
But Jesus died for me, and now I belong to Him, and I gladly surrender my whole
life to Him—even my early mornings in the gym, and the contents of my fridge.
It’s all his.
And the rewards (other than
eternal life and all) are incredible. Fellowship with Jesus is incredible.
Being a part of Christian community and making friendships like I have at
Christ Community and in Columbus, and now in Macon… there is just nothing like it.
I’ve surrendered. I’ll keep
surrendering in the moments to come (when I try to take my burdens back from
The Lord.) But, ultimately, I just want to follow Him, because I know what He
did for me.
And right now, following Him looks
like going to the gym in the mornings, eating healthily, giving myself to my
jobs, and investing in my Macon community.
Those are the things that I’m
called to RIGHT NOW, so those are the things that I am going to try to do with
passion and zeal, out of a grateful heart.
So, motivation = found.
Thankfully, it is coming from Christ, and not just some random reserve of
energy that I discovered in my pinky toe. (My pinky toe ain't that big!)
My song for the day:
Only You (David Crowder Band)
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