Vulnerability is uncommon in our society. We run around
trying to do it all, do it well, and do it alone. Even in Christian community,
people are rarely really transparent. Let’s be honest. I don’t think we even
want them to be. The reality is that life is messy, humans are complicated, and
loving people where they are takes so much grace and selflessness that, even when we say we want authenticity,
we are more comfortable being guarded and self-sufficient. I want boundaries,
around myself, and around you, because I am afraid of getting my hands dirty. I
am afraid of getting in too deep and really
having to work to love someone. But, isn’t selfless love what the gospel is all
about? We need to accept and extend grace and love each other through our
struggles.
These thoughts are primarily for myself. I’m trying to gear
up for the unthinkable—asking for help. I’ve recently realized how important it
is for me to be transparent about one of my biggest struggles in life, yet I
find myself holding back. I’m afraid of what people will think. I’m afraid that
they will judge me—or even worse, try to control me. I want to be autonomous.
And the easiest way to do that is to shut people out.
But no more.
So, here is the deal. I need to be vulnerable. I want to
confess a certain sin struggle to you, my friends, and ask for you to love me
through it. I need partners in prayer, and accountability partners. I need to
work out a loose structure of how to fight these sins, but I need to know that
failure is ok. I need your grace, and I need the freedom to be transparent at
all costs.
If you are not willing to go down this road with me, then simply
stop reading my blog. This is my only disclaimer for the day: things are about
to get real. Read at your own risk. I
hope that some of you will read on, and partner with me as I work to bring the
sins in my life into the light. I can’t hide them anymore. I have to starve
them with light.
If you are willing to pray for and encourage me as I fight
this spiritual battle, read my next post and help me fight the fight!
With love and humility,
Christy
Bring on the real, Christy. You have always been an inspiration to me. Your frankness in your faith encourages me always. We, as Christians, are told that we will struggle. We will always be fighting with our sin, but we are covered by such an amazing grace. I'm happy to join you in this battle.
ReplyDeleteI love you! New post is up.
ReplyDeleteI joined your road long ago sitting at Starbucks hearing your questions and have loved watching God give you the answers. I jumped on board then and I'm not getting off now. I love you and there is nothing sweeter than standing together in the light, outside the caves of our sin, exposed and scared but protected under the umbrella of the grace and love of Jesus. You are His Beloved!
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