As God has been dealing with me about pride, He has been showing me all the resources around me. Specifically, He has been showing me the importance of the people He has placed in my life. You see, I like to pretend that I know EVERYTHING. I've alway prided myself on my intellect, and I'm one to nod if you mention an author I've never heard of, or pretend that I know the historical context of the book of 1st Kings, even though I've never studied that book before. And it is extremely hard for me to admit to people that I don't know things, and I need their help and advice.
But let me tell you this: the second I started really seeking God's plan for my life, He started putting beautiful, older, wiser women in my path to help me discern truth.
The problem, of course, was that I needed to admit my shortcomings and ask for these women to help me. *insert a deep, anxious sigh here*
Last week, I went to Wednesday morning CRAVE at CCC, and the whole time I was consumed with thoughts of gratitude and feelings of joy. It was incredible to be in the room with godly women who were all there for the same purpose: to seek Christ. The Spirit is always present and tangible for me at CRAVE. There is something about the atmosphere that just clears my heart and mind of all the crap that I carry around all day, and I can just be. And as we shared what God told us during out quiet time, I was enthused (as always) to see that God was saying similar things to many of us as individuals. He was using our collaborative efforts to put some spiritual puzzle pieces together. And, per usual, we had a sweet prayer time before breaking off and going back to life in the trenches.
When it was over I didn't want to leave. I was enjoying the company of these women, and I wanted to soak up their presence and wisdom. Long story short, I ended up asking two of the women to meet with me about specific issues in my life, and it was quite a good decision. I just had to swallow my pride and ask for some guidance, which was rather scary!
Months ago, one lady mentioned something about hiding in God and being transparent but not being exposed. That concept stuck with me, but I couldn't remember the details, and I'd been waiting for months to talk to her. (Friends, it took me months to finally approach her about a recap... that's how silly I can be at times.) When I finally asked her to explain the concept to me again, her response was, "That sounds like a wonderful lunch conversation. We should get together sometime!"I wasn't even asking for a lunch date, but God rewarded me for finally listening to Him and following up on that topic of conversation (which I really needed to hear!)
In another conversation, a sweet lady mentioned some things about devotionals, and our discussion naturally turned to her love of giving one on one instruction in that area. I asked if she would be willing to meet with me and help me figure out how best to structure my quiet time. Her response was an excited yes, followed by a suggestion that we look at my personality type in order to figure out the best structure for my devotional time. (If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE learning about personality types, so this was thrilling).
Today, I had my meeting with lady number one, and it was so wonderful. We talked about hiding in God, AND we talked about devotions and quiet time. She encouraged me and gave me many useful tidbits of wisdom about many subjects. AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS ASK FOR HELP.
Next week, I'm meeting with lady number two, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for our time together.
It really is funny though, how God works. I'm learning to delight in the way He works. Something I read the other day talked about this concept. It talked about how we need to be thankful for and excited about the way God works (which means being thankful for the rough patches, dry spots, and painful places that He takes us). When I think about things like my silly pride, I do find God's take on things to be rather delightful. I have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom and help and friendship in the people around me. I am a part of an incredible church where the body of Christ is healthy and strong. If I really seek to learn about the Lord, I am not alone out in left field with a glove, a hat, a Bible and a highlighter. I have brothers and sisters who are willing to help me in any way that they can. But they DO have to know that I need help, and that means being brave, instead of proud, and asking for instruction.
God knows what that whole process does to my heart. He knows how humbling it is for me to ask for help and admit that I am wrong, or even just not sure, about something. And He blesses me greatly for obeying and seeking help and admitting my folly. It sure isn't the easy way, but it is the God way, and it is pretty awesome. His way just makes me giggle. And it makes me joyful. Because, my friends, He is so good. He knows everything. He is worthy of our praise and honor and glory.
I admit that I struggle to trust Him. I feel like hiding in Him will leave me out in the elements exposed and vulnerable, but this is not the case. Hiding in Him makes my life and thoughts and actions transparent. They must be transparent, for I cannot love others and protect myself from them at the same time. And when I am centered on God His will and His thoughts about me are what matter. Many times, if you hide in God He will protect you from the arrows of life. He puts up the God forcefield and offers you shelter and protection. At other times, He lets an arrow in, but there is always a purpose. He only asks that we stay there with Him--don't run away and hide in a cave. Don't guard our hearts by ourselves. Let Him do it. If we stay with Him, He will remove the arrows and heal the wounds, it will be quicker and more painless than the cave remedy (where sulking and licking wounds keeps them from healing).
He can do it all, and He wants to, but we have to let go of pride, and control, and our walls of protection. We have to give EVERYTHING to Him. We have to hide in Him, and be transparent without being exposed. And learning to do all that is hard, but the rewards are great. Praise Jesus for giving me a chance. Praise Jesus for helping me change. Praise Jesus for His provision and his shelter. Praise Christ, for He has risen, indeed. And isn't that still the one and only important thing? Christ is alive. He rose again after dying for me. And I pray that He continues to shape and mold my life into something that He can use for His glory.
Lord, help me to remin in you. Help me to abide in you and not seek anything other than your presence and will in my life. Continue to work on my pride and break me out of my hurts, habits, and hangups. Help me to delight in you AND help me to delight in your ways. Forgive me and love me and bless me. And help me to always remember the gift you have given me.
Your daughter,
Christy
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