Psalm 37:4

My devotional for staff meeting at CCC

Psalm 37:4

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

I’ve been on a journey with this verse over the past year. I first found it on a sheet in the life school prayer class this spring. The sheet was about praying God’s promises into your life. There were many verses that listed promises topically, and this one stuck out to me. I didn’t know what to do with the verse. Just two parts, a command and a promise, but it seemed almost impossible to believe or even understand.

Fairly quickly, God told me to focus on the first part of the verse. “Delight yourself in me… come away with me… love me, I’m your strength, your shield, your rock.” And for a while I did just that. I focused on delighting in God and reveling in the joy that only He can give. Until self righteousness set in.

“God! What about my desires?” I asked. I opened my childlike fists and demanded that they be filled with all of the great things God owed me for delighting in Him. After all, I’d been delighting in Him for a few months already. Surely I deserved something for my efforts, right? So when God didn’t fulfill my deepest desires with speed and ease I began to bitterly pull away. 

Thankfully, God still pursued me. He began to show me the difference between the desires of my flesh and the desires of my heart, for there is a great difference! Slowly, He helped me sort through a few of my desires and see them for what they really were—a desperate attempt to control my life and define my own worth.

Through surrendering all of my desires to God, the underlying message in the process of living Psalm 37 has become more clear: God not only fulfills desires, He plants them. The promise is two-fold. Part of delighting yourself in the Lord is surrendering all of your perceived desires. God then gives you the desires that He meant for you to have before sin corrupted your heart and taught you to desire things of the flesh. By giving all of your desires to God and delighting in Him, He can turn around and breathe life into your heart, planting HIS desires in the process. And it is these desires that He fulfills in your life.

In May God began to teach me a lesson about His faithfulness. After a breakout session at the FAM conference I was so confused. The session awoke so many desires in my heart about reaching out the urban community. I wanted to be out in the community loving on hurting and broken people. I love those who are marginalized and facing discrimination. And I love their kids. My question for God was, “Why do I have these desires if I’m meant to be in Children’s ministry at a church?” Yet, when I got an application for a job that would allow me to be in children’s ministry at a church that reaches out to the marginalized, broken, poverty stricken people of Macon my first response was, “No way!”

How thankful I am that God has been working on my understanding of desire over the past year. When I walked through the doors at TLC I realized that this job would fulfill the desires of my heart. God was bringing my attention to those desires at the FAM conference, and He showed me how strong they are in my heart while I drove around Macon. I didn’t earn this crazy job that came out of nowhere by figuring out the formula to success. Two months ago I might not have even considered this job. It didn’t fit into my plan, but God knows me better than I know myself, and now I can see that He is fulfilling the promise of Psalm 37:4 in my life, and He will do the same for you.

So today lets meditate on this promise and pray it into our lives. Ask God to show you the desires of your heart. Let Him trim the hedges around your heart and dispose of the desires of your flesh. He may lead you somewhere you didn’t expect, but “we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Rom. 8:28) So surrender. Delight yourself in our great and awesome Lord. Give Him your desires, and joyfully follow him to new ones. 

Where He Goes, I'll Go

Please forgive my inability to leave out detail and write a short post. I'm just not that kind of girl. :)

Where He Goes, I'll Go

God’s plan is rarely logical. And it certainly never seems to work out the way I expect; however, it is always good! Let me give you an example…

Two weeks ago, my boss lady (Cailey Dumler) sent me an application for a job. A week ago I hesitantly filled out that application and send it in, all the while thinking, “Ha. Yeah, right. I’m not moving to Macon.”  I thought, “I’ll never get this job, but applying and interviewing will be good experience.” Little did I know that only six days after applying, I’d accept the position and start getting ready to uproot my life by moving, again.

To help whoever is reading this blog understand how incredible this whole process has been, I think I need to go back to a year and a half ago. I was planning on going to seminary for apologetics. I wanted to go, and didn’t feel any opposition, so I got ready and waited for the pieces to fall into place. “God will work it out,” I said, but all the while my head was racing with the logistics of moving to Charlotte, NC. Where will I work? How will I make ends meet? How many classes should I take? Should I work full or part time?

Fast forward to the summer when I spent two months looking for a job, and not ever got so much as a nibble. I was confused, devastated, and terrified of the future. Eventually, I decided to go back to Columbus. I got into CSU’s M.A.T. program and the pieces started to fall into place. Within a few weeks I got a job, an apartment, and a Graduate Assistantship, but I was not happy!

“Is there something wrong with me?” I asked God. I felt like I’d been rejected. I wanted to follow God. I wanted to learn about Him and do good work for the Kingdom. I wanted to be used, yet God didn’t seem to want me. He’d made it clear to me that I was supposed to be in Columbus, but I couldn’t see what his plan could be. “What could I possibly learn from being back in a place I hate getting a degree that I have absolutely NO desire to pursue?” I asked. And for a while, I pouted and cried and spent some time being angry at God. My heart screamed, “MY way!” And the painful process of refinement began.

Over the next few months, God began breaking me. As I wallowed in self-pity over my circumstances, He broke me financially, He broke down my relational idols, and He began the painful process of breaking down my pride. But God takes away AND gives. So, at the same time, He began renovating my heart and strengthening the foundation of my faith. In the midst of my struggle, I had to learn to surrender in a way that I didn’t know was possible, and in the process I began to know and love God in a way that I hadn’t known or loved Him before.

In November and December the Christ Community Young Adults started getting some momentum, and I began to enjoy the fruits of Christian community. January, in particular, was a super sweet time with God. I was on a month-long high because of the things He was showing me. Then in February I was offered an Internship at Christ Community, and March had me learning to coordinate the 9:00am service. April taught me to juggle school, a Graduate Assistantship, and Internship, and finals. May sent me to California for the FAM Conference. I also helped plan VBS and I learned some incredible things about what Psalm 37:4 means.  I think it is safe to say that I’ve had a full and productive year. I even got to do some extra things like learn about prayer in life school, attend the Exodus conference, experience 4 different Bible studies, and learn about hiding in God, and structuring my devotional time from some incredible ladies at my church.

It is kind of amazing how much I’ve learned this year, and looking back I can’t help but think about something that happened at a healing prayer service in October. When I told a few ladies how upset I was about being in Columbus, one prayed over me and said that she saw this time in my life as God pushing me around in a baby carriage. She felt certain that I was going to spend the next few months growing and maturing in my walk with Christ. This was a time for planting roots. Another lady said she saw a vision of flowers growing in a field. I was going to grow and blossom in the coming months.  Thankfully, they were both right.

I have a feeling that the past year will be one of “the good ones” that I remember for the rest of my life. I’ve made so much progress—climbed so many mountains this year. And I know I’m never going to be the same.

So, back to last week. I applied for a job on Friday, emailed back and forth with the pastor of Trinity Life Church on Saturday, visited the church on Sunday, and was offered the position on Wednesday. For someone who has spent entire years worrying about her future and trying to control the outcome, this process was so wonderfully different.

I must admit that Saturday I spent some time crying with one of my friends, because I DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE COLUMBUS! Ironically, less than a year ago I was crying about having to go back to Columbus, but on Saturday I couldn’t imagine leaving. Columbus became home this year. Not because of school, but because of my friends and church family. I LOVE CHRIST COMMUNITY CHURCH. I love my internship. I love my community there. I love Cailey. I love Pastor Keith. I love each and every person that has slowly but surely become a part of my family over the past few years, and leaving that seemed impossible. How could I leave something that is so right? The answer is that I’m leaving for something that is even MORE right.

Sunday morning on my way to Macon I cried, and prayed, and worshiped God while driving. I wanted to be open to God’s will, and I asked for clear direction and peace about whatever His path is for me. And let me tell you that 5 minutes after I walked into Trinity Life Church I felt like I’d found a new home. The Holy Spirit’s presence took ahold of me and I felt complete peace about being in Macon. I was able to joyfully worship and listen to Kenny’s words without being anxious or self-conscious. I fell in love with some of the sweet children with whom I will be working, and I even started envisioning ways to contribute to the church and community, should I be offered the position.

It just felt right.

 Everything Kenny told me after the service made me more excited, and as I waited to hear something else from TLC, I began to realize how calm I was. I was amazed to discover how much I truly desired to move and dig into the work at TLC. By Wednesday I was checking my email every few hours looking for some word about the next step.

Thankfully, Wednesday night I got a call offering me the job. This was sooner than expected, but I think God made the decision clear to all parties involved. This is what I’m meant to do. Christ is leading, and I intend to follow Him wherever He goes. I don’t know how long I’ll be in Macon, but I do know that my immediate future is there, and I’m chomping at the bit to get my things moved and get my hands dirty!

First of all, since visiting Macon, I don’t think I’ve been anxious about this decision for more than 15 seconds. THIS IS A MIRACLE. Let me explain how hard the next few months will be, so that you understand the truth of this miraculous peace. 

My job will be part time, but it will be HARD. I will begin to structure the children’s ministry at a little, baby, Free Methodist church plant. Let’s pause and acknowledge that planning a church is HARD… and now let’s continue. I will be in charge of caring for the infants through 5^th graders, and there is not much to work with right now. We are in a space that is not our own, and we are too small to have much of a volunteer pool, but I’m sure this will be the relatively easy part of my job. I will also be in charge of childcare for things such as community groups and prayer meetings. Thankfully, Cailey has offered to help me in any way possible, and I will probably be able to come into Columbus once a week for a class at CSU and some much needed mentoring from Cailey.

Secondly, part of my job is to act as a Chaplain and events coordinator at an apartment complex. The reason I love Trinity Life Church (already!) is because of the church’s vision. We desire to be out in the community as a presence for Christ. The largest portion of my job will be to get to know the residents in an apartment complex with about 200 units. I will live in my mission field. I will get to know the people around me and simply be their friend. The goal isn’t to get them to say some words, make a commitment to Christ, get them in a pew and then move on to someone else. The goal is to sacrificially love the people around me, to do life with them, to show them Christ through continuing interaction, love, and concern for who they are and where they are in life, and when opportunities present themselves I will gladly share Christ with them. My actions will be on display always. My words will mean less than how I interact with the people around me. And I know that I’ve got a lot to learn about being intentional and missional in everything that I do.

I will also have to be moved to Macon by August 1^st. Oh, and in the time leading up to that I will be working 30-40 hours a week as a nanny to 3 kids, continuing my internship (and probably working extra hours with Cailey so we can plan for my first few months at TLC), trying to meet with and say goodbye to all of my friends, packing, moving, AND spending some time in Macon during the month of July. YET, I am not anxious. On the contrary, I am THRILLED because I know that all of this work is good work. It is worth the hours and effort and exhaustion that I know is to come. Plus, I feel certain that God has ordained this step in my life, and He will go before me in everything that I do as long as I continue to trust Him and let Him lead.

“How do I know this?” you may be wondering. I’d love to tell you all about it, and since this is MY blog, I’m going to do just that.

So, here is the cool part. These are the things God did to prepare me for my new job—a little look into the specifics of how God has been guiding me towards this over the past few years.

There have been so many different confirmations. This peace is one of them. Perhaps the most exciting bit of confirmation came during the FAM Conference in May. I went to one of the Urban Ministry breakout sessions with Meghan, and left with a heavy heart, burdened with a desire to reach out into the community and not just remain inside the church walls. After leaving the session I tried to express to Meghan the desires of my heart in this area. They have always been strong, but I didn’t know how to get into a ministry that allowed me to care for precious, broken people in a way that utilized my experience and talents. I was struggling with Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself with the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I wondered why I would have such a heart for evangelism and reaching out to hurting, marginalized, and broken people if I was headed towards children’s ministry (where I very much seemed to be heading) and the answer came a few days later.

I felt that Kingdom Kids (where I am interning) was supposed to adopt an apartment complex in a poverty stricken, urban area. Kingdom Kids has been growing, and we are having trouble keeping up, but a couple of weeks after the conference I told Cailey, “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I think we are supposed to adopt an apartment complex. We need to both go where they are, and find a way to bring them to us on Sunday mornings. “ While I still hope this will happen in Columbus, I now see that the vision God gave me of adopting an apartment complex was preparation for this job. Now I will be using my years of RA experience, and my passions, to reach out into the community around me. It just all makes sense!

I also feel that God has given me a specific passage of scripture that confirms my need to be at TLC. In the spring of 2011, God gave me these verses as part of my personal calling:

5 For you are not sent to a people of foreign speech and a hard language, but to the house of Israel— 6 not to many peoples of foreign speech and a hard language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely, if I sent you to such, they would listen to you. 7  But the house of Israel will not be willing to listen to you, for they are not willing to listen to me: because all the house of Israel have a hard forehead and a stubborn heart. 8  Behold, I have made your face as hard as their faces, and your forehead as hard as their foreheads. 9 Like emery harder than flint have I made your forehead. Fear them not, nor be dismayed at their looks, for they are a rebellious house.” 10 Moreover, he said to me, “Son of man, all my words that I shall speak to you receive in your heart, and hear with your ears. 11 And go to the exiles, to your people, and speak to them and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God,’ whether they hear or refuse to hear.”

~Ezekiel 3:5-11 (ESV)

I’m sure that my family would agree about my hard forehead. But the most important parts of this to me are the following: I am not meant to be in foreign missions (at least for now) and I will not experience easy ministry. I will be rejected and my message will not be heard. That does not mean that I am not supposed to speak. On the contrary, I have a duty to fulfill. God has a purpose for me.

         About two months ago, I was praying about my specific calling. I knew God had a purpose for me, but I wasn’t sure if God would allow me to be in vocational ministry. I’d tried to head that route in August and I was sent back to Columbus, so after Nick and Dianna Cash told their story about joining Mercy ships, I spent the day fasting, meditating on a specific psalm, and praying for direction. “God, do you want me in vocational ministry?” I asked. God held off for a while. I prayed all afternoon and then asked if I should cancel the evening’s events and continue with my vigil. That answer was clear. I needed to go to a missionary’s presentation at the Stewart’s house that night, so I went. Towards the end of the presentation, I heard something that clicked with the Psalm I’d been reading and I knew what God wanted to tell me. God had a vocational ministry for me, but I needed to be prepared, because this ministry would be war.

         While visiting TLC and after getting back, people told me how hard this job will be. “Church planting is hard. There will be days that you want to quit. You may not really accomplish much for a long time. People will reject you…” etc. But this doesn’t scare me. God has already prepared me for this. He told me a year ago that no one will listen to me. He made my forehead strong. Really strong. And I have already been preparing for war. I’m sure the REALITIES of this war will make me think twice about my calling before it is all said and done, but I’m not afraid. His “perfect love [is casting] out all the fear,” and I am ready to “count is all as joy.”

         And if these HUGE confirmations aren’t enough (which they have been for me) there have been other things. God has already given me work experience in everything that I will be doing. I’ve coordinated and planned and discussed growth structure and worked in two different Sunday lesson formats and done a million other little things during my time as an intern with Cailey. I’ve worked in 3 different RA positions that allowed me to work with residents, get to know the community, and plan events. I even did event planning and promotions for my high school movie theatre job. I’ve volunteered in an addiction recovery/homeless shelter. I’ve struggled through depression and foreclosure on my childhood home. Even the fact that my lease is up on July 31^st shows that God has been planning this, Jeremiah 29:11 style.

         So I’m going, and I’m totally stoked! The only thing I’m really sad about is leaving friends. Chances are, if you are reading this you are one of the people that I will miss. If you live in Columbus, please know that I am so thankful for your friendship and community over the past few years. Hopefully I’ll be visiting often! If you are another friend from another location, I hope that you will continue to keep in touch and wish me well from afar! If you are a new friend in the Macon area, get ready! I’ll be there sooner than you know it!

Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS and again I say Rejoice!

Love and Blessings,

Christy

P.S. This is my new theme song:

All Your ways are good

All Your ways are sure

I will trust in You alone

Higher than my side

High above my life

I will trust in You alone

Where You go, I'll go

Where You stay, I'll stay

When You move, I'll move

I will follow You

Who You love, I'll love

How You serve I'll serve

If this life I lose, I will follow You

I will follow You

Prayers for Men

I found this on a blog the other day (fast pray blog) and thought it was interesting. I believe we have a real need for godly men in the world, and it is important to pray for the men in our lives to step up the the challenge and be leaders. The women who write and read this blog fast every Monday and pray for the men in their lives. I'm considering doing the same, but for now I'm just going to take some time to read over and answer these questions. My plan is to do this privately, but I might post my answers later. I thought I'd post these questions just in case anyone else wants to read take some time and pray over them as well. Enjoy!

~Christy

What are my honest thoughts are about men and power?  What symbolizes power to me?  What is real power?   

Pray for the men you know to gain deeper relational power.

What might it feel like to be wanted/desired “without fear” by a man?  

Pray for the men you know to be set free to desire without hesitancy.  

Pray for the men you know to have the confidence that they have something to provide/offer a woman. 

What does a ‘healthy’ man look like in my experience?  

Pray for the men you know to be able to:

▪   connect,

▪   be present

▪   have good boundaries and be able to say ‘no,’

▪   be comfortable with their imperfections (and that of the women in their lives), and

▪   be able to grow up and be adult, able to treat women neither as mommies nor as children, but as equals.

Pray for the men you know to get healthy and show up as full people (even as, of course, we pray the same for ourselves as women).

Let’s take our energy around this topic and pour it back into our prayers before God!

Learning to Listen

As God has been dealing with me about pride, He has been showing me all the resources around me. Specifically, He has been showing me the importance of the people He has placed in my life. You see, I like to pretend that I know EVERYTHING. I've alway prided myself on my intellect, and I'm one to nod if you mention an author I've never heard of, or pretend that I know the historical context of the book of 1st Kings, even though I've never studied that book before. And it is extremely hard for me to admit to people that I don't know things, and I need their help and advice.

But let me tell you this: the second I started really seeking God's plan for my life, He started putting beautiful, older, wiser women in my path to help me discern truth.

The problem, of course, was that I needed to admit my shortcomings and ask for these women to help me. *insert a deep, anxious sigh here*

Last week, I went to Wednesday morning CRAVE at CCC, and the whole time I was consumed with thoughts of gratitude and feelings of joy. It was incredible to be in the room with godly women who were all there for the same purpose: to seek Christ. The Spirit is always present and tangible for me at CRAVE. There is something about the atmosphere that just clears my heart and mind of all the crap that I carry around all day, and I can just be. And as we shared what God told us during out quiet time, I was enthused (as always) to see that God was saying similar things to many of us as individuals. He was using our collaborative efforts to put some spiritual puzzle pieces together. And, per usual, we had a sweet prayer time before breaking off and going back to life in the trenches.

When it was over I didn't want to leave. I was enjoying the company of these women, and I wanted to soak up their presence and wisdom. Long story short, I ended up asking two of the women to meet with me about specific issues in my life, and it was quite a good decision. I just had to swallow my pride and ask for some guidance, which was rather scary!

Months ago, one lady mentioned something about hiding in God and being transparent but not being exposed. That concept stuck with me, but I couldn't remember the details, and I'd been waiting for months to talk to her. (Friends, it took me months to finally approach her about a recap... that's how silly I can be at times.) When I finally asked her to explain the concept to me again, her response was, "That sounds like a wonderful lunch conversation. We should get together sometime!"I wasn't even asking for a lunch date, but God rewarded me for finally listening to Him and following up on that topic of conversation (which I really needed to hear!)

In another conversation, a sweet lady mentioned some things about devotionals, and our discussion naturally turned to her love of giving one on one instruction in that area. I asked if she would be willing to meet with me and help me figure out how best to structure my quiet time. Her response was an excited yes, followed by a suggestion that we look at my personality type in order to figure out the best structure for my devotional time. (If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE learning about personality types, so this was thrilling).

Today, I had my meeting with lady number one, and it was so wonderful. We talked about hiding in God, AND we talked about devotions and quiet time. She encouraged me and gave me many useful tidbits of wisdom about many subjects. AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS ASK FOR HELP.

Next week, I'm meeting with lady number two, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for our time together.

It really is funny though, how God works. I'm learning to delight in the way He works. Something I read the other day talked about this concept. It talked about how we need to be thankful for and excited about the way God works (which means being thankful for the rough patches, dry spots, and painful places that He takes us). When I think about things like my silly pride, I do find God's take on things to be rather delightful. I have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom and help and friendship in the people around me. I am a part of an incredible church where the body of Christ is healthy and strong. If I really seek to learn about the Lord, I am not alone out in left field with a glove, a hat, a Bible and a highlighter. I have brothers and sisters who are willing to help me in any way that they can. But they DO have to know that I need help, and that means being brave, instead of proud, and asking for instruction.

God knows what that whole process does to my heart. He knows how humbling it is for me to ask for help and admit that I am wrong, or even just not sure, about something. And He blesses me greatly for obeying and seeking help and admitting my folly. It sure isn't the easy way, but it is the God way, and it is pretty awesome. His way just makes me giggle. And it makes me joyful. Because, my friends, He is so good. He knows everything. He is worthy of our praise and honor and glory.

I admit that I struggle to trust Him. I feel like hiding in Him will leave me out in the elements exposed and vulnerable, but this is not the case. Hiding in Him makes my life and thoughts and actions transparent. They must be transparent, for I cannot love others and protect myself from them at the same time. And when I am centered on God His will and His thoughts about me are what matter. Many times, if you hide in God He will protect you from the arrows of life. He puts up the God forcefield and offers you shelter and protection. At other times, He lets an arrow in, but there is always a purpose. He only asks that we stay there with Him--don't run away and hide in a cave. Don't guard our hearts by ourselves. Let Him do it. If we stay with Him, He will remove the arrows and heal the wounds, it will be quicker and more painless than the cave remedy (where sulking and licking wounds keeps them from healing).

He can do it all, and He wants to, but we have to let go of pride, and control, and our walls of protection. We have to give EVERYTHING to Him. We have to hide in Him, and be transparent without being exposed. And learning to do all that is hard, but the rewards are great. Praise Jesus for giving me a chance. Praise Jesus for helping me change. Praise Jesus for His provision and his shelter. Praise Christ, for He has risen, indeed. And isn't that still the one and only important thing? Christ is alive. He rose again after dying for me. And I pray that He continues to shape and mold my life into something that He can use for His glory.

Lord, help me to remin in you. Help me to abide in you and not seek anything other than your presence and will in my life. Continue to work on my pride and break me out of my hurts, habits, and hangups. Help me to delight in you AND help me to delight in your ways. Forgive me and love me and bless me. And help me to always remember the gift you have given me.

Your daughter,
Christy

Drowning in the waterfall, Drinking from the Fountain

Two and a half years ago I recommitted my life to Christ. It was the best decision I ever made, but that does not mean the going has been easy since then. Recently, I have been feeling overwhelmed with the amount of information that I feel I should know as a Christian. I’ve been struggling to figure out how best to study the Bible and have quiet time. I changed my schedule in order to spend my mornings with God, yet the cares of the day scream at me the entire time I’m trying to read or pray. I read a book of the Bible and think about how much I don’t understand about my savior and my faith. For much of the past few years, I’ve been drowning in the waterfall of Christianity. And while I believe my heart was in the right place, my focus has not been.

            My heart seeks devotion to Christ. I want to study everything. I want to understand the character of God. I want to understand His word. I want to understand doctrine and language and historical context. I want to feel God’s presence in my life. And I want to act upon the information I’m learning. I want to be radical. I want to be a missionary. I want to be a teacher. I want to go wherever he wants me and do whatever he wants me to do… but I want everything now, and it is too much.

It is easy to talk about quantity over quality when poking fun at CSU and some of their wonderful administrative decisions, but it is much harder to look at my own life and see the folly in my overloaded schedule and compulsion to always do more. For instance, reading and digesting a chapter of the Bible isn’t acceptable. I feel the need to read 5 or 10 or an entire book, and then I close the Bible and wonder what I’ve just read. I want the devotional skills of an 85-year-old rabbi when I’ve only even cared to read the Bible for the past 2 years. I’m a baby, and I need milk and rice cereal. It’s all I can handle. Anything else leaves me drowning in a waterfall… probably because I’m trying to blow up the dam that God’s put there for a reason.

So this morning as I was having my quiet time the Spirit showed me that I need to put on my spiritual glasses, and focus on the proper things: grace, hope, love, etc. My tendency is to read and note all of the verses that point out my weaknesses. I see the verses that talk about my depraved heart. I get the verses that discuss the “grievous way in me” (Psalm 139:24), but when I focus on my failures and shortcomings I feel that old, familiar feeling of drowning, again. My chest constricts and my heart cries out, “Yes, I know I’m terrible, God. But how do I change? What do I do? It feels hopeless. I’m like Paul. I do what I don’t intend to do… and never do what is right.” But, today, the Spirit made me focus on the second part of Psalm 139:24. “lead me in the way everlasting.”

David asks God to reveal David’s grievous ways to him, but he also EXPECTS for God to lead him away from depravity and towards God’s everlasting ways. And there is hope here. Hope and grace and love. David doesn’t stop to grovel and try to convince God to forgive him. He doesn’t whine and give into self-pity because he feels hopeless about the prospect of change. He just asks God to be in control of the entire process—revealing David’s shortcomings and leading David out of them.

And when I focus on letting God lead, everything feels less big. Less impossible. It really makes a lot of sense, you see, because God only gives me my water through a concentrated stream--a fountain. He shoots the appropriate amount of water out at me in a steady arch that my lips know how to handle. He never asked me to swim around in a waterfall and figure out how to take in everything all at once—that was my own idea. God gives us only what we can handle: good and bad. He only gives us trials that will help us grow, AND He only gives us revelations that we can understand and implement in our lives. What good would it be for him to overwhelm us with information if we can’t harness it all and turn it into action? 

Today, I'm thanking God for just enough. Just enough revelation to keep me moving towards him, but not enough to keep me weighted down in shame and grief over the depth of my depravity. God is good ALL the time. 

God, thank you for not giving me too many answers. Thank you for giving me only the answers and directions for today. 

Life as an M.A.T. Student

As I'm working towards my masters, I've been doing a series of technology projects for one of my classes. One of the final projects was creating a blog, but I have chosen to just add some links to this blog instead of creating another one. If you enjoy keeping up with me via blog, maybe you will actually enjoy seeing these projects too. Who knows?

While getting my masters, I've become conscious of many of the struggles in the education field. There are the normal complaints, such as standardized testing, principal problems, and such. But then there are new issues, like cyber bullying and utilizing technology to reach the next generation of students. I can't say that my personal theories about education have changed much, but I am certainly more knowledgeable about how to implement my vision. I know how to use a Bridge Photo Story to teach students about important historical events in their town. I know how to create a budget in order to purchase technology for the classroom. I know techniques to deal with cyber-bullies, and I know how to create a Trailer and Cooking Tutorial video as a new means of teaching. (I also got to play with iMovie and the smart board, among other things. So, hit me up if you need to know how to use your Mac.) I feel that I've been equipped with many tools for my future classroom, and I'm excited about testing them out in the years to come. I hope you enjoy looking at my projects. Who knows, maybe they will give you ideas for your own classroom!

~Christy

I've got the Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart. Donde?

It is March 18th, and God is still blessing me with His perfect joy. My life isn't quite like it was in January (where every little thing that happened overflowed my heart with joy) but it is still there. He is still here. I'm on month five of total surrender to God, and although my problems haven't magically gone away, life is sweet.

I don't really have a specific thing to say. I just feel the need to document what God is doing in my life.

I just spent my day with my best friend, Meghan, and many other sweet people who bless me daily. I worked Kingdom Kids, then went to church, then went hiking (for Meghan's birthday), then went to Bible study at the Stewarts, and now that I am at home, about to go to bed, I just need to reflect on how God is moving in me.

My life is not perfect. I do not have riches or monetary security. I do not have a husband or the prospect of children. I do not have notoriety among my peers or an important job. I am not in a degree program that I love. I don't even seem to be moving toward any of these things. I don't look like much to the world, but there is something rich and sweet about my daily life.

I am single, and God is my constant companion. I am weak, but he makes me strong. I am poor, but he supplies all my needs. I am without long term direction in life, but he shows me the steps I need to take to serve Him each day.

And when I fall, he catches me. He listens and comforts me on the nights that I cry myself to sleep. (Thank goodness those nights are rare now). But when need be, He bandages my heart up, and sends me out to accomplish His next task. His yoke is easy. And my heart is light when I cast all my cares upon Him. Nothing else matters.

My sole responsibility is keeping my connection to Jesus Christ solid and secure.
Sometimes I pull away and forget this responsibility, but He is alway there to welcome me back when I come home.

And when I seek Him first, He adds wonderful things to my life. (Like an internship at church, and an incredible church family, and sweet, beautiful friends, and the ability to experience His perfect creation, and a surrogate family away from home... and countless other things.) No, I don't have the things my heart desires (as listed above) but He knows what I NEED, and He gives me things that are better than my desires. He has given me more than I could ask for or imagine... and it just boggles my mind that my life (which is so different than I've always dreamed it would be by the time I reached this age) is so full of love and joy and goodness. My way is not the best way. This I know to be true.

Jesus, Jesus, can I tell you how I feel? You have given me your spirit. I love you so!

Father, thank you for giving me what I need, instead of what my selfish heart desires. Thank you for your sacrifice, and your grace. Thank you for the fleas of life.

With love, joy, and peace,
~Christy